MMN2 Benjamin Albert Demers, 26 of Auburn, died in Washington, while serving his country in the U.S. Navy on the USS Nimitz, on Sunday, Sept. 18, 2016.
He was born in Waukegan, Ill., on May 28, 1990, the son of Laurent and Penny (Albert) Demers. Ben graduated from Edward Little High School class of 2008. Shortly after graduating, he decided to follow his parents and join the U.S. Navy. He had been with the Navy for the past three years, working his way up to MMN2 (Petty Officer Second Class). Ben was very involved in politics and while in high school he was a delegate for the Democratic Party in 2008. He loved his pets and his family, and was always fascinated with penguins. His witty sense of humor and wisecracks to most questions will be missed by all who knew him.
Ben was born in Waukegan, IL on Memorial Day, May 28, 1990. After his father retired from the Navy when Ben was 4, the family moved to Auburn, ME where he grew up. He graduated from Edward Little High School in 2008 as a member of the National Honor Society. Ben was an avid reader who was working his way through the classics; his favorite book was The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoyevsky. Ben was the youngest of four. His 2 brothers Rocky and Alex and his sister Toni. His favorite things to do as a kid was to watch Power Rangers with the three of them and to build Legos with Alex who was his best friend throughout his life. Ben joined the Navy in 2012 to follow in his Mom and Dad’s footsteps. He was accepted into the nuclear power program and trained as a machinist mate. He was assigned to the USS NIMITZ in Bremerton, WA. Ben took his own life on September 18, 2016. Ben had a life-long fascination and love for penguins. He had an extensive collection of glass and stuffed penguins, an amazing number of penguin t-shirts and one of his favorite outings was with his brother Alex when they were at the New England Aquarium when it was feeding time at the penguin exhibit. Benjamin Albert Demers was a loving and beloved member of his family when he died unexpectedly in September 2016. He is survived by his parents Penny Douphinett (who only Ben called Ma) and Laurent Demers. His siblings Rocky, Alex, Toni, Andy and Chris. His step-father Paul Douphinett and his nephews Ethan Roy and Colby Brewer. He will be greatly missed by his many friends who will always remember him as the first to offer help, a smile and genuine concern for everyone’s well-being. Since all pets go to Heaven, Ben was met by his beloved dogs Alfie and Nugget and cat Tigger. On Thanksgiving Day, Ben’s siblings went out to the rock hill in our yard where they played as kids and picked out a stone that represented all the time they spent together.
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You are missed.
Our first Summit Project weekend as a Gold Star Family and the hike was also on what would have been Ben’s 27th birthday, I had so many emotions. Receiving Ben’s stone from his sister, Toni, was a difficult experience. We were both nervous, afraid we would cry and, of course, we did. Chris who helped his sister carry the stone on the hike was there with us, hugging and joining in the moment. Standing back in the line and looking down at his stone, tracing his initials I was struck yet again with the permanence of Ben’s death and it was gut wrenching. Ashley, who introduced me to TSP was there with a hug, not knowing how much I needed it. I held onto my son’s stone for hours after that, he came to dinner with us, I didn’t want to let it go. At one point during the weekend, David asked me if Ben would have liked the hike, beautiful weather and sunshine. My reply was hell no, he’d be inside reading or on the computer and we both laughed. My being with TSP and sharing Ben’s story with so many warm, loving, caring people made his first birthday in Heaven something to remember. I know Ben would thank you all for taking care of his Ma.
On what should have been his 27th birthday, I was carrying Ben’s stone up a mountain. This was the most physically demanding thing that I can ever remember doing. And every step up the mountain, I was thinking about Ben. I told his story at the point that I had to turn back, but I told people about little things all the way up. Possibly the hardest thing I had to do on the climb was hand over Ben’s stone to Chris, for him to carry the rest of the way. I miss Ben so much. The brilliant, badass, sarcastic, caring, amazing little brother. But there are more people who know his name now. That know he would be laughing his ass off at somehow getting his least athletic sibling three quarters of the way up a mountain. When we both would have been happier on that gorgeous day to be inside playing videogames.
This helped though. Putting in the time and effort to do this hike was an amazing experience. I miss my little brother. I will always miss my little brother. But it is reassuring and touching to know that I helped share his story, I helped him be remembered for a little longer, a little more widespread. I love you all.
The morning of the hike was filled with no small amount of anxiety. Our family didn’t know the person carrying our brother’s stone. No one i talked with knew either. Like a ghost. I remember listening to our team lead going over the plan for the day, and glancing over at his stone, hoping to see his person arrive. I felt like a jungle cat, tense and coiled, waiting to pounce on this poor unsuspecting soul, offering whatever I could to have a family member carry him up. Once again Angel saved my bacon. She came up to Chris and I (the brothers, as T.S.P. have started calling us) with his stone, a giant hug, and the best part of my day: that I was to carry Ben. What a mix of emotions that moment was, all swirling on the inside. This was a moment for duty, however, celebration and quiet reflection would have to wait.
The hike itself was excellent, watching the clouds roll over the mountain was very relaxing. The group was amazing, so many people offering to share, help, and watch over the other hikers. We made sure every stone and hiker made it safely up the mountain, with flying colors.
The ceremony was beautiful as well, with many of the hikers having personal attachments and inspiring stories of our fallen. A few in particular will stay with me, especially our long time supporter, first time hiker. It was hard to speak of Ben at first, but I had a lot of help up there, quiet encouragement. I then spoke of Ben in a less serious manner, as he was always the first to crack a joke. Chris followed up with his thoughts, glad to have made peace with Ben in our adult years, and a wish that it had grown further.
Don’t get me wrong, he could be an arse. A lovable, poke you in the ribs kinda arse. You knew he loved you when he was calling you out. To me it was a sign of respect and care, like he was trying to toughen us up or something. Even in passing he is doing just that. It is never the best way for a family to come together, but I think he’d be happy seeing us so close. Much loved. I’d say I miss him as well, but every time I see one of those damn penguins around, I see that sideways grin of his, feel a joke or two at my expense go flying over the shoulder, and I don’t feel lonely for a moment.
Beautifully written Andy. Your sibling view of Ben is different than my ma view, but each is deep, true and loving. I think he is with you when you hike, helping you with the tough stuff. You were his brother! He loved you. I love you too.
On December 16/17th while running the inaugural Spartan Race Ultra World Championship in Iceland, Team Navy was honored to carry Ben’s stone from the Summit Project. Team Navy carried the weight of the stone which also represented the weight of his sacrifice to our Country. We mourn his loss and we’re honored to have taken him, his memory, and the story of his life through the course.
Spartan Race decided that being tough wasn’t tough enough. The Ultra World Championship was a 24-hour event that included a mountain, ice and rain, 25-degree temperatures, a Viking sendoff, and other surprises along the course. The race was a 24-hour race with the winning team covering the most laps and miles along the 5-mile course with over 30- man-made and natural obstacles.
We shared his story, his love of politics and penguins and his sacrifice to our great Nation at the end of the race amongst a group of nearly 50 people in a circle. I was able to read his bio and share some memories of our own on the mountain. My team shared the stone as we maneuvered through the night.
We didn’t let the stone rest and our team continued to move hard through the night even though winning wasn’t in sight. It was a long hard night, many of which I’m sure you’ve gone through, this was but one night. We’re honored to have had the opportunity to share his memory with others.
The team and I are deeply saddened by the loss of your son, most trying is in how he was lost. No one has a great answer on how to cope with this type of loss but we aim to continue fighting for the answers. We shared the weight of the stone because the weight of any loss should also be shared. No one should have to bear that weight alone. Ben was loved. His memory lives on through the Summit Project and the stories we shared on the mountain. As a team we’re honored to have taken him on this journey, we hope it brings some peace knowing his memory lives in. May he continue resting in peace.
Respectfully,
Team Navy – JoJo Kreischer, DJ Betz, Brian McGrath, Dingo Dominguez, Aubrey Cornwell, Jesus Gallegos, Stephen Leblanc.
Team Navy, thank you so much for honoring Ben like this. It brought tears to my eyes. It is a huge comfort for the whole family when we know his name has been shared further. I read your comment about the penguin slide though, and that was worth a laugh. Thank you for sharing his name and story with others. It is easier, knowing he will be remembered.
Team Navy, I cried while reading your post. Thank you so much for carrying the weight of Ben’s stone and memory while running through the grueling race. The knowledge of his loss, his suicide, was an extra burden I know. I am heartened to know you will all take Ben’s story and death and continue to help look for answers and help in this crisis of active duty suicide. Ben wanted to make a difference in the world, perhaps you can in his memory. Again, thank you, my son will never be forgotten if someone speaks his name.
Penny Douphinett
Ben’s proud and loving mom
You aren’t alone ma’am. I’m honored to have had this opportunity. I’m truly sorry for your loss. We as a society must do better to help those with invisible wounds. Every day counts.
As Ben’s aunt all I can say is Thank you for your spirit, kindness and compassion. It is apprec6more than mere words can express.
Laurie, we didn’t know it at the time but 3 of my teammates did a head first penguin dive down the mountain. About 80 meters of slide. At the time no one was aware of Ben’s fondness of penguins. It was fitting for the moment, the mountain, and his memory. We’re honored to have had the opportunity to continue his memory. Every single day counts. Bless you and your family.
This memorial day weekend I finally got assigned to carry my brothers stone at the katahdin. It’s kind of funny because I had been waiting a year for my turn. And as I carried him I realized I had been carrying him everyday. Ben was a good soul and was never missing when someone needed help, he might have been a sarcastic pain in the butt, however I think that was his way of shielding his emotions. He tended to do that. This hike felt right, carrying ben felt right, supporting all the famalies felt right. An update for ben followers, last night I went on a 10 year reunion cruise with ben and i’ s graduating class of 2008. I got on the boat and we set sail and Low and behold a picture of ben is top deck center floor. I felt him with us all as did a bunch of his friends from school. I guess this hike has helped me realize ben is with me and I was honored to carry him. Miss and love you brotha
Chris, we’re happy you finally carried your little brother on the hike. You certainly described his emotions right! You have honored Ben in so many ways, we are so very proud of you. Watching you with the other Gold Star families, offering your friendship, love and support also lets us see the wonderful young man you are. Thank you. We love you. Mamma and Dad
As I sit down to pause and reflect on my very first TSP hike, one thing really stands out in my mind – both Andy Pattle and Dave Cote saying over and over again….”this is not about you or me, it’s about these brave men and women whom we’re here to honor”. And it’s so true, these men and women who have given the ultimate sacrifice to protect us and our country with their lives. We owe them, and the TSP hike is one way we can help repay that debt, by making certain their memory is never forgotten.
I was very fortunate to carry the stone and share the story of Petty Officer Second Class and machinist mate Benjamin Albert Demers. It was very humbling to me to find out after talking to Ben’s step-brothers Chris and Andy Douphinett, that I was the first non-family member to carry Ben’s stone. I know Ben’s spirit was with me helping me on the way. It truly was an honor and a privilege! I can almost hear Ben saying to me “you’re a hippopotamus”!
I would like to thank Penny and Paul Douphinett and the entire Demers and Douphinett families for allowing me this privilege. And I’d like to thank Chris and Andy Douphinett for sharing so much about Ben with me and for making me feel so comfortable the morning of the hike. It was a pleasure talking to you both!
To hear the stories of these soldiers, sailors and Marines in the sacred circle at the top of the mountain and to hand their stones back to a family member at the bottom is just such an amazing and emotional experience, it’s hard to put it into words. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it!
I’m so happy to have been a part of it all! Thank you to our team leaders Joelle, Kayla and Jill and the entire Team Blackwood for being an awesome group! We worked very well together and the camaraderie was excellent as well! Hopefully, we’ll see some or all of you again at future TSP hikes!
Dear Penny, Paul, Rocky, Alex, Toni, Andy, Chris, and all of Ben’s Extended Family,
Veterans’ Day Weekend (November 10th-11th, 2018) I had the extraordinary honor and privilege of carrying the stone and story of your dear son and brother Ben. Sitting down to write this reflection has been filled with so many mixed emotions, layered on top of one another, much like the experiences learning of his life, family and death and hiking and running with his stone and story.
My experiences with Ben began by talking with you Penny. Almost instantly I found your candidness, honesty, sense of humor and raw emotion to be a clear and bittersweet connection. Listening to you speak of your son, of your relationship with him, of his siblings relationships with him and the mingling of his life events with your feelings, was a gift. It was wonderful to listen to you speak about Ben with passion, humor, and joy. Your love for him was palpable even in just the way you uttered one word, “Ben”. As our conversation moved forward and you spoke of the time leading up to his death and the painful time since he completed his suicide, the ache in your voice was even more evidence of the love that you had for him while he lived and still do for him now. I could feel it.
Speaking with you brought what I had been reading about Ben to life, however there were a few particular things that struck me and resonated with my own recent experience. First it was that Ben had hopes and dreams for a wife, a family. That he had a special way with children, especially his nephew with Autism, and absolutely loved animals and his pets. He was a writer, with an online following, and that this was something unknown to you until after he left. He was very smart and accomplished. That while being ‘snarky’ as you put it (although the other colorful descriptors were far more entertaining), Ben had a tenderness that came from a huge heart, one that in the end was the same heart that wanted to protect and spare hurting those he loved the most, in the best way he could.
In the very short time I have been involved with The Summit Project since my love Eric completed suicide this summer, I’ve come to learn that there are no coincidences. Penny our conversation was special. I’m humbled to have been able to share in it. I hope you felt it. The commonalities between Ben and Eric were uncanny. The qualities in their personalities and characters that helped them to achieve so much, love genuinely and go after their hopes and dreams, despite their dark struggles were strongly connected and special. Despite their end I think they were courageous and selfless with a depth of heart that is rare and wonderful.
Veterans’ Day Weekend began as we arrived at the foot of Blue Hill mountain. Standing at the edge of a wide open field, in the rainy, foggy, raw weather, we gathered and were presented with our hero’s stone. I gently placed Ben and Eric’s stones side by side in my pack and we set off. The trail was steep and slippery. We hiked slow and chatted along the way, (a mix of volunteers who were veterans themselves, simply grateful citizens or Gold Star family members, like myself), coming together specifically because of the lives and service of 12 incredible men. I couldn’t help but notice the extra weight in my pack, double that of the others. It felt fitting knowing Ben’s story, Eric’s too. Their weight was heavy in life, especially towards the end. They carried it though, with little notice of others, by their design, because they wanted to spare them.
As we arrived on the summit, for the briefest moment, amidst the dense fog, the sun peaked through, like a welcome. We settled in and began sharing. I was nervous. Feeling the desperation of wanting to remember all of the tender details, not wanting to fall apart so much I couldn’t clearly share Ben’s story and do him justice. Once it was his turn to step into the light and focus of the sacred circle though, his story flowed out with ease. I don’t think I looked down to my notes once. It was a special moment because the gift of Ben’s life, the significance of his passing and the qualities that made him unique amidst his story were spoken aloud, listened to, taken in and later carried back down the mountain in the hearts and minds of everyone present. They each now carry a piece of Ben that will perhaps help them to live an even better life, in his honor, while speaking his name and letting the light of his life shine on. It is my hope too, that all of you knowing this, somehow gives you an additional moment of pride and a small sense of comfort.
The next day was the Veterans’ Remembrance 4 Miler in Ellsworth. While I was very much looking forward to participating in this aspect of the weekend as well as the hike because of the many people that it would bring together and the attention it would bring to honoring the service of our nation’s veterans, past, present and future, especially Ben and our other Fallen Heroes, ‘running’ was not something I was feeling any love for. After having read Toni’s letter, I knew at that moment that Ben and I were connected. I grinned for a moment as I searched around for a video game option at the event…without any luck.
After carefully scooping up Ben’s stone for a second day in a row, with a million layers on, we were ready to go. It was clear and sunny and bitterly cold…penguin weather really, so fitting. Our walker/rucking wave was first. With tunes plugged in, we took off. To my surprise so did I. I weaved through the walking crowd immediately, and began to run. For 4 miles no one passed me. To my surprise the Hero signs were set up along the course; all 12 of the Heroes we represented throughout the weekend. They were powerful to see. I touched them each as I passed, paying my respects and looked forward to seeing Ben’s. Oddly enough, when I came to his on the return route, he was directly across the road from Eric’s. The gentleman placing the signs on the course that day did not intentionally do this…there are no coincidences. Immediately a strong sense that Ben was there somehow, Eric too, was overwhelming. After standing for a moment at his sign, reading his description and looking at Ben’s handsome picture, I took off. No records were broken that day by any means but Ben’s spirit kept me going. It was the least I could do to push through the ache in my chest. Ben helped me to be able to be there that day, to have the freedom to do so. I’m honored to have learned of his unique life, personality, family, service, interests, death and continued light and impact beyond.
His stone was the first to cross the finish, before any other participant in the event that day.
Thank you so very much for allowing me the honor of getting to know your son and brother. Thank you for trusting me with his story and stone. Thank you for being a part and extremely important piece of the journey I am taking up this path to a summit in the distance that Ben, Eric, along with so many others, helped to blaze. I like to imagine them just up and around the corner at the top, shining in the light at the summit, resting and talking and laughing as they wait for us to live our best lives, because of them, before joining them. In my mind I see Ben’s smirk, much like the expression in his picture wearing his navy and white uniform, ready to fire off something clever, witty, zinging yet loving. Thank you so much for sharing your son and brother with me.
Until we are able to meet in person,
All my best, with much love,
Sarah
Sarah,
Your beautiful words honor my Ben, thank you. Talking to you about him was a great experience, I was able to share new things, like his writing, and knew you understood my and his humor. I also enjoyed hearing about Eric and your family. Eric and Ben were watching over you and swapping snark as they gave you an extra boost of energy. The Summit Project is so important to my family, getting to know other Gold Star families helps in our loss of Ben, Paul and I look forward to meeting you and the girls come Spring.
I wish to say thank you to Ben for his service to our country. Such a young life lost, but never ever forgotten. I work at a non-profit in Bangor that currently hosts the display of stones. This has been a great honor for our agency and we couldn’t be more grateful for Ben’s courage and commitment to our country. Thank you Ben!! to his family and friends, i wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day!! Gone but never forgotten
What story can I tell about Navy Petty Officer 2, Benjamin Albert Demers that hasn’t already been told? There are such great things said of him by his loving family, friends and others who have carried his stone during this Living Memorial. I’m another carrier that chose Benjamin’s stone…but, I’ve been told that the stone chooses us. It might be both.
I can tell you why I volunteered to be a trekker for this great cause and it’s because I admire and respect any and all of the men and women who put their time and lives on the line for the protection of our great country!
I can also tell you why I chose Ben’s out of so many other stones to carry on my first but not last trek for these heroes. Ben and I share a love for penguins and politics!
Although I’m on the other end of the aisle politically, I know Ben’s heart through his wish to make the country and world a better place to live. That is what politics is about, ultimately. Our only difference is the way in which to make it a better place to live. But our hearts are in the right place-where it matters: a love for people and well-being.
I know Ben’s heart through his love of penguins-a social, kind temperament of the wild. A bird that cannot fly in the air but can swiftly and eloquently fly through water faster than most underwater sea creatures! They are fascinating to watch although they look silly and comical in their tuxedo and waddling manner of walk. They can jump straight up out of the water onto high cliffs of rock and ice as if they are torpedoed from a submarine. There is so much that fascinates me about penguins that I know Ben shared.
I don’t know what it is that took Ben from us. I wished I had known him as a neighbor. I too am a resident of Auburn, Maine. I deal with depression and my heart goes out to everyone who has inner turmoil. I wish there was a magic word spoken at the right time that we could say to make a difference in everyone’s life who suffer in silence. We do not know who or why unless approached by that person.
I honor Ben and his family for raising such a beautiful heartfelt soul. His memory is with God and I believe we will all see our loved ones again. Psalms 147:4 says, “He counts the number of the stars; He gives names to all of them…”. I believe if God knows all the stars, He knows us and that we are not forgotten although it may seem that we are alone.
Today I was honored to carry Ben’s stone as a living memorial with the rest of my team from the Maine Turnpike Authority. We honor all of our heroes!
Linda, thank you so much for honoring my son, Ben, by carrying his stone and learning about his life. Underneath, the wit and sarcasm was an incredibly gentle soul who felt deeply. The empty space in all our lives where Ben once stood is only filled now with memories and the hope of holding him again. I am honored to have been his Mom.
Linda, thank you so much for honoring my son, Ben, by carrying his stone and learning about his life. Underneath, the wit and sarcasm was an incredibly gentle soul who felt deeply. The empty space in all our lives where Ben once stood is only filled now with memories and the hope of holding him again. I am honored to have been his Mom.
Penny, I gave a small donation to the New England Aquarium in Memory of your son. Peace and Hugs.
Thank you so much. Ben would have loved this.
To Ben’s Family,
Thank you for opening your hearts to my family and I, and for allowing me the honor and privilege of carrying Ben’s story and stone at TSP BSP 2019.
The time you spent with me on the eve of the hike sharing Ben’s photos and so many stories and insights into Ben’s quirky, loving, sarcastic and bright character was a gift. I carried that conversation along with Ben’s stone the next day on the hike. It was a beautiful trail – lush, green, wet and full of life. The hike team shared easy conversation along the way with plenty of time for quiet contemplation.
I could feel the weight of Ben’s stone in my pack, wrapped as Toni taught me, in the quilt she so lovingly made. I was so touched by how much care she put into the fabric and patterns – all with such significance. I also carried a penguin stuffy in my pack alongside the stone. I wanted to pay tribute to Ben’s love of these creatures and I knew that having it with me would help me put to words all that I wanted to share about Ben.
When the time came to to tell Ben’s story during our circle ceremony, the emotions of everything I was feeling made it hard to get my first few words out. I had been waiting all night and all morning. I told how smart Ben was – his national honor society membership, his love of reading. I shared how Toni and Ben would have such esoteric conversations about everything from video games to the essence of a soul while carpooling to school. I was touched by Ben’s sense of honor – wanting to follow in his parent’s footsteps inspiring him to join the Navy. I also shared the circumstances of Ben’s death and how important you felt it was that this part of Ben’s story be told because there are so many struggling like Ben did – and that the one time they reach out for our help may be the only chance we have to be there for them.
When I returned to camp and presented the stone in its special wrap, I was both sorry to have to part ways with it, and eager to return Ben to you. Those hugs we shared were very much needed, and I will cherish that moment. Toni – I was so happy with your reaction when I showed you the penguin stuffy and so happy that you snatched it up. I hope it brings you good memories of the weekend each time you see it.
While I will never have the chance to meet Ben on this earth, through your gracious willingness to share him with me I feel as though I know him. I will hold Ben in my heart and strive to be the friend that acts when called upon for help. Penny I can’t tell you how valuable your words of advice were to me.
Thank you and God bless you all,
Mark
Mark,
I am overwhelmed by your letter. Sharing Ben’s life with you through the scrapbook was the best way to show you the many sides of Ben, especially his love for his siblings. The relationship your family has created with mine made you carrying his stone so very special for all of us.
Originally when joining The Summit Project I felt Ben’s brothers and sister should always carry his stone. I’ve since learned the value of sharing his story with others. I talk about Ben to TSP hikers, and you in particular, more than anyone since he died. Thank you for listening, carrying my son, a penguin and sharing his story. We are honored to call you, B, Erik and Izzy our friends.
Thank you,
Penny
Proud mom of Ben
Forever loved, forever missed, forever 26
I was honored to carry Bens stone this year and I felt as if Ben was with us the whole time. The whole week I had Ben we took him with us. His first and probably most honored job (I know he had a hand in this) was to be present at the flag hanging at Maine Medical Center (it’s the first year they’ve ever done that) – thank you Ben, those flags were hung for you and all your fellow brothers & sisters and so your family knows you will never be forgotten.
We then walked through our neighborhood and stopped at an Army Vets home and shared Bens story with him. He was moved to tears and he thanked us for sharing and asked us to take a photo in front of his flag with Ben, such an honor. All of our neighborhood now knows Ben ❤️
We then went to the memorial park in town and met many other families, they were all so happy to hear about your Ben and what an amazing spirit he had. Many of them asked to let you know that they will not forget him and thanked him and his parents for their service.
To say we were honored to be with Ben during this time would be an understatement! We hated to return his stone. My 5 yr old granddaughter didn’t want to give it back. She was so sad to leave him. I suggested we give him a kiss before we had to give it back. She agreed and we both gave the stone/Ben a kiss.
Thank you for letting me carry Ben this year – he is always in our hearts.
Cheryl and Bill,
It was wonderful to know Ben was with you. You are my dearest friends and have been with me throughout this whole journey. Beyond Ben’s siblings, you were the first to hear of his passing and have supported me since those first few hours. Through the years, you have gotten to know Ben and his brothers and sister as if you were there, laughing at their antics and yes, crying along with me. In fact, Ben was at your house before we ever met and became friends, a classmate of your daughter, as if he knew I would need your friendship and support one day. You have shared Ben’s story many times and I am so grateful you chose to do it again. As I write this, I am grieving anew the loss of another son, Ben’s oldest brother, Rocky, who is now with him in Valhalla. Thank you again for helping to make sure Ben is never forgotten and for always being there for me.
Penny, Paul, Toni, Chris, Alex & Andy:
Picture it … It’s rainy, foggy, wet, and they were calling for thunder and lightning. It’s the perfect day to hike! Um, no…. no it wasn’t. Ben would have thought this hike was even more ridiculous than the ones on clear days without death threatening to come from above in a fiery strike. And, still, we packed it up and hit the trail. Our mission was undeterred. This year’s ANP started with four teams of 20 ascending Cadillac Mountain and then rapidly progressed through multiple contingency plans as Mother Nature had her way with the models and changed the weather forecast repeatedly in typical New England fashion! With a potential safety risk at hand we stayed close to basecamp and rucked the woodsy trail from Smuggler’s Den to Echo Lake instead of hiking up the Mountain. As four separate teams we rucked together, down the trail and onto the Carriage Trail, holding various flags with honor and purpose. Then we took to our four separate corners of the beach when we arrived at the Lake for our circles. It wasn’t what we planned, but we were together and we were on a mission. That’s what mattered. The change in plans allowed me to spend part of the hike with Hammy as his team followed mine in the line. Returning to Basecamp this year I was able to return Ben’s stone to the loving hands Paul extended, and I shared my love for him and you all in our embrace. Not your typical ANP but still perfect.
I hadn’t planned to carry Ben’s stone and story on that day. I hadn’t researched or prepared. But, as often happens in TSP, the stone chooses its hiker, and I think Ben chose me. When the original hiker assigned Ben’s stone was unable to attend the event I felt compelled to carry him myself. I don’t often make specific requests, as I believe the random assignments are often perfect, however this request felt important so I emailed Greg. Once this request was approved I began my research. As I read the information available about Ben’s life and service on the internet, I found that there was not much reflecting what I thought I knew about him. I then realized that I have come to know Ben through those who loved him most, and from their special memories and moments. This is not often reflected in the publicly available information. I have been so grateful to learn about Ben’s life through the eyes of his mother, step-dad and his siblings. The first time I “met” Ben was at the maiden Demers/Douphinett hike up the Owl at BSP in 2017. It was Ben’s 27th birthday, and I had the opportunity to hike down the mountain with Toni and Paul. I felt so privileged to listen as Toni spoke about her little brother and shared her favorite memories. When she mentioned that Ben would have been most amused that his least athletic sibling was hiking up a mountain in HIS honor, I laughed along with her. When we arrived back at Basecamp I stood in silent tears while Toni handed her little brother’s memorial stone back to their mother. Despite being an only child, it was on that day I realized just how strong a sibling bond can be. Toni – I was inspired by your strength that day – both physical and emotional. Singing Happy Birthday to Ben, while your family hugged mid-circle, left an imprint on my heart that year.
It was also on that day when I met “Hammy.” Unlike Toni, Chris has not often shared his memories about his brother without prompting, however, in the years since we’ve met, I have watched as he has matured and developed through his grief while sharing his brother’s life with us. He has an enormous heart and his love is unbridled when he chooses to share it. Chris – I have truly come to see you as a younger brother, my friend, and I appreciate your presence in my life.
I don’t know that Ben and I would have been very good friends. I believe we would have found ourselves at odds quite frequently, and we wouldn’t have shared many of the same views. I would have seen his video games as a huge waste of time – to which he would have responded the same about my love of hiking and running. However, this doesn’t mean we would not have made great family. As I have learned from own son, who loves video games and hates the outdoors, you can have very different views and still love each other very much. As the years have passed since that first hike, I have begun to understand some of the reasons Ben crossed my path with Toni, Paul and Chris on the Mountain that day in 2017. A few years later, when my own step-father ended his life by suicide, several of your family reached out to me. I was so humbled by your support. When we stood at his gravesite, Penny messaged to say Ben was buried only a few rows away. It brought me such comfort to know that people I have developed such love and respect for will also pass through the cemetery where I buried my loved one. When I visit I make sure to walk a few rows down and lay my hands on Ben’s granite stone where I say his name and thank him for his service and his continued presence in my life. Ben has found a way to ensure I see him in every facet of my life. From the penguin Christmas decoration I unearth each year, to the random Facebook ads about Penguins that appear in the most perfect placements, to the pj pants I have covered in penguins. Each time these items surface I let him know I see him. He is forever in my heart now, as are you all. Sending my love and prayers for strength as you continue to grieve Ben and now Rocky. Until we meet again, I have saved a hug for Penny and Toni, and hope to see Alex and Andy at future events as well.
Much Love, Joelle
Joelle,
As I shared previously, your letter brought me to tears. You truly honored Ben and a Mom can ask for no more. You certainly have come to know my family well and we feel blessed to have you as part of our lives. TSP has been a huge part of our healing, a key part. It is the only community we have involved with our family in our grief and rememberance journey.
Thank you for remembering Rocky, Ben’s big brother, as well.
I think you and Ben would have connected on some level. He gravitated towards authentic, real people with good hearts, and that, my friend, is you.
I had the honor of carrying Ben’s stone this past Friday at our VA Management Offsite. I walked a part of the Eastern Promenade Trail with Ben’s stone. I talked with my co-workers who were also carrying stones for other Veterans. I shared Ben’s story with my co-workers as we walked and thought of Ben and his love of animals as we saw many people enjoying the day with their pets. I chose Ben’s stone as I too was a Sailor and served aboard an aircraft carrier. I understand Ben’s love of the Navy and wanting to follow in his parents’ footsteps. I can envision his excitement as he graduated school and became a Navy professional. I walked in the heat of Friday and I couldn’t help but feel that Ben was with me and chuckling that he would not think this was hot after being down in engineering. We all stopped at one point and took a group photo with our Veterans’ stones and I couldn’t shake the feeling that they were all looking down upon us at that point. At the end of our walk , I thanked Ben for being the son, the brother and the Sailor that he was. I thanked him for his sacrifice and I thought about those that he left behind that miss him terribly and the void that is in their life now. I am glad to know that Ben’s memory lives on through this project.
Tom, I’m sorry it took so long to reply and thank you for carrying my son’s stone. I’m glad you could identify with Ben through your own service in the Navy. His dad was also on a carrier, but she’s now a museum, the INTREPID. Ben loved to point out to his Dad he was “so old” he served on a museum. Thank you as well for continuing to serve through your work at the VA, Ben was incredibly proud of his family’s legacy of service and believed strongly in the VA’s mission. I credit my Togus and Lewiston CBOC caregivers for helping me get through Ben’s loss. Thank you again for saying Ben’s name. Penny Douphinett, his proud and loving Mom
September 2022. I had the honor of carrying Navy Petty Officer 2, Benjamin Demers’ stone. I had been reading the beautiful stories told by loving friends and family. It was an emotional hike. I was with my two cousins, and we all felt the stones had a heart, the stones had a soul. The weight of Ben’s stone felt comforting in my pack.
When we sat in circle on top of Cadillac Mountain, I took Ben’s stone out and gave it a view of the mountains. I feel inside Ben was a kind and gentle soul, he remined me of my older son. Thank you for the honor of knowing your son. If you cannot hold me in your arms, then hold my memory in your heart. I felt the love and memories flowing on the mountain that day. Big Love to all of Ben’s Family.
Linda, I apologize for the lateness of this reply. Sometimes I just can’t do it. Ben was a gentle soul and an old soul. His was a soul out of time, he believed in the power of words. He was out one night with friends from the ship and someone started a fight with his friend and another punched my son. At 26, that was the first time he had ever been hit; he defended himself, but couldn’t understand the point of the whole thing as it solved nothing. I miss him desperately. Sadly, his oldest brother is now with him, I like to picture them in endless debates about absolutely everything. My boys can talk! Thank you for helping to ensure Ben is not forgotten.
On 05/28/2023 I had the honor and the privilege to carry the stone and the story of Navy PO2 Benjamin A. Demers up the Owl at Baxter state park on what would have been Bens 33rd birthday.
The Sunday morning drive started at 02:30 to meet up with the rest of “Team Red” who had arrived the day prior. The almost 3-hour ride provided plenty of time to reflect on my conversations with Ben’s brother Alex and his mom Penny. It was ironic that I had been assigned Ben’s stone for the second time. The first time was for a hike in Acadia in 2021 and I had to withdraw from having been exposed to a co-worker who had come down with COVID. I was happy that I would finally be able to complete what I had started back in 2021.
Once at NEOC we had a chance to get settled and say hi to some old friends while admiring the beautiful view of Millinocket Lake with Mount Katahdin in the distance still draped in snow in spite of how warm it was at the base camp.
Soon it was time to load up for the van ride into the start of the trail. I received Ben’s stone for the first time just prior to boarding the van. I was so surprised to find it wrapped in a beautifully hand stitched quilt with penguins and a sailor’s compass design. (Later that day I found out the quilt had been made by Ben’s sister Toni.)
Soon we were at the base of the trail and started off on our hike. It was a rough one for me. I started out strong but with the heat of the day, the pace of the avid hikers on the team was a bit much. I had to chuckle to myself as everything that I had learned about Ben, one of the most memorable, was how he disliked the outdoors and that this hike was definitely was something that he would NOT be enjoying. At this point I was right there with him! I however, was lucky to have such understanding and supportive group of hikers along with me. I was definitely thankful for them and all their support!
Once at the summit of the Owl with a beautiful view of Katahdin in front of us I placed Ben’s stone on the quilt that his sister had so lovingly made and we settled in for our circle ceremony. One by one we told the stories of our fallen. There was both laughter and tears as their stories of their lives were retold by each hiker. We learned both how they live and how they had passed.
The hike back down was much easier for me than the hike up. Maybe it was about the anticipation of getting to meet more of Ben’s family once back at base camp. I had met Chris on my very first Summit hike in Acadia years ago but now was my chance to meet Penny, Toni and Paul.
As we pulled into base camp Chris was the first person I saw as he was lining us up to pass our stones off the families. I grabbed a quick hug and got into my place in line. Soon, I would meet Toni as she collected Ben’s stone and then Penny and Paul.
Penny, Toni & Paul (you too Alex !) thank you so much for sharing your stories of Ben and for joining us at the Warriors Dinner. It was so nice to get to meet you all and hear more stories of Ben. I look forward to seeing you all at Acadia this fall.
This year I had the privilege of bringing your son and brother Benjamin from Portland to NEOC.
When I picked up his stone in Portland his brother gave it to me to carry, I felt especially honored.
On the way up, enjoying the ride, I started thinking about what had made him so sad and depressed that he felt he only had one way out and it was heartbreaking. Then it drifted back to the family that was left behind and wishing I could do more to help them heal. Then I realized that I should have asked if his brother wanted to ride up with me.
Then at the ceremony is where I met mom, dad, and brother again. It really hit home the loss that they have endured along with the injuries that mom had suffered while her time in the service.
A huge thank you to Ben and his entire family that has served for our country and community.
May your loss never be forgotten.
Amy,
Ben was with you every step up that mountain, mumbling under his breath. We were happy to share stories of Ben and you were the first Summit Project person Alex had spoke to. We enjoyed dinner with you you. Thank you so much for helping to keep Ben’s memory alive. Hopefully, Chris and Toni will be with you in the Fall.
My own Grandma had a saying that she liked to recite, that “to make a good speech — or a good letter — the key — is to be brief.” I have not yet learned this key 🙂
On a sunny and summer-y day, Saturday, the 23rd of September, right by the Autumnal equinox — when the tree colors start painting with their pretty paints, I started experiencing more of the honor and privilege of hiking with the *stone* and the spirit of United States Navy Petty Officer 2nd Class, Benjamin Albert Demers.
Our hiking Team featured a couple comedians and a lot of hikers who fully enjoy belly laughs. One hiker had a hilarious story about the Maine accent, in which “khakis” (pants) and another word that is different, “car keys,” – both sound the exact same lol lol. Another comedian had a zinger about “a bag limit” for tourists, of course meant in a light-hearted way. When taking pictures of the group and the Hero stones, the sunny silliness continued, with zingers about “bringing in the stunt doubles.” I had chatted with Benjamin’s brother, Andrew, who suggested that I honor his brother through bringing ten percent more of silliness that Ben had so much of — to the hike. Our mighty mighty Team White hiking team helped a lot with that one 🙂
Other hikers talked about the shapes of their Hero’s stones – some had stones that were in the shape of a heart, and one hiker had a story about recently finding a stone shaped like a heart, while swimming in a lake, that looked heart-like, just like her Hero stone. When I shared my stone, I stood and held up my stone for the circle to look at – I said that it didn’t have any shapes that it looked like, but that I still thought it was a good stone. I said I had researched my Hero, Benjamin Albert Demers, in the weeks leading up to the hike; and, I also chatted with Ben’s brother, Andrew, on the phone; and, Andrew shared some wonderful heart-warming stories, and I could feel the echoes of Ben’s spirit coming to me from Andrew sunny voice and anecdotes about sibling cereal circle meals in their basement, all the while wise-cracking, belly laughing, powering thru, as brothers & sisters smiling, bowls of shredded wheat cereal, and maybe watching Lord of The Rings just one more time together.
At the summit circle I talked about Ben’s love for penguins and the penguin tattoo on his arm, and also the zinger, “You’re a hippopotamus,” which was Ben’s humble and silly way of saying that one of his siblings was actually right during a spirited debate about some random topic.
At the Team White summit Circle atop Cadillac Mountain, I shared that when I saw Ben’s stone for the 1st time in the morning of our hike, that I noticed that his initials were B – A – D — which spells out, BAD. I said in our Circle Ceremony that I think that’s not the right “trail name” for Ben. I wanted to give Ben a “trail-name” just like Betsy of the Summit Project says her trail name is ‘Mama Bear’. I called Ben the trail-name, “The Lion,” because I feel Benjamin lives with a lot of courage & heart, just like a Lion. Working so hard to get into the Navy, with tons of exercise so that he could meet the Navy’s strenuous conditioning standards for acceptance, working Lion-like, to get good grades in school, so he made it into the National Honor Society. Working hard to love his nephew with autism. Working like a lion to make his brothers and sisters belly laugh. Working his butt off to rise to the rank of Petty Officer 2nd class, in a challenging time on a Nuclear Submarine. Benjamin, The Lion.
I shared in the summit circle, a story about my own grandmother. When my own Grandma, who’s first name was Maria, was getting up there in years and had reached about ninety years-old, she told us all a story about having a very bad, terrible, no good day. Grandma went to talk with a friend about the hurt in her heart and how troubled and rough she felt that day. Her friend just listened for about fifteen minutes to the story of her hurt and pain. Then, the friend just said one thing, and only one thing. “Courage, Maria, Courage.” Grandma was so taken with this interaction with her dear friend, that she shared this story with her family. Grandma even found one of those stones with inspiring words engraved on it – and she got one that read “Courage”. Grandma kept this courage stone on a small table by her entrance-door for the last few years of her life. We talked about this rock at her funeral service.
At the summit circle, I said that this story about my own Grandma tied into Benjamin’s story, because I think that some people might be, at first, tempted to say that Benjamin lacked courage, because he took his own life in September of 2016. I said that I thought that was non-sense, & not true at all, & that I believe Ben has tons & tons & tons o’ Lion courage. And that Ben lived a brave, brave, brave life.
At our team’s summit. circle, I shared when I was on a previous Summit Project Hike, this past Spring-time up at Baxter, I was a member of a hiking team wherein another team-hiker carried Benjamin. This hiker shared her story that she had enjoyed being a part of a lot of good ‘Teams’ in her life, where she felt a lot of camaraderie & teamwork & helping hands. So, I said the same thing that she had shared, that I wish Ben had felt more of a sense of ‘Team’ on that dark, troubled September day in 2016. Ben had so much fun with his brothers and sisters – after they worked out the normal teenager disagreements, of course – that I think when he was working on the USS Nimitz, Ben must have dearly missed his brothers & his sisters who were so close to his heart, and whom he shared so many big, warm smiles with.
About a year ago, I myself wrote a poem about ‘friendship’ and how nourished & fed we feel around our friends or around good nature places. This is the way I feel Ben’s spirit – encouraging, nourishing, feeding us. Of course, we cannot always say ‘yes’ to every need in the world all time, and we all need some boundaries — that said –we can carry this warm spirit. I have included this poem at the conclusion of this letter, as I feel it echoes Benjamin’s warm spirit.
I am not psychic, and perhaps we can take trying to connect with people who have ‘passed on’ too far sometimes. Maybe that’s because they have done their own work here on Earth & have passed on to a higher place. That said, I believe that I have felt Ben’s spirit to a small amount.
The Lion is here – with me – right beside me – when I live with courage and brave-ness, shouting to me “heck ya!” when I have lived a good minute, or a good hour, or a good day. Some people pray to Saint Anthony when they have lost something, in an attempt to find their missing thing. I believe that Ben may be an angel now, an angel to those climbing a high, hard mountain, and to those having a blue day, a tough day. Benjamin understands – he gets it – and The Lion shouts “heck ya!” when we make the brave day more brave with our own brave spirit. Ben is one of my angel’s now, walking with me. The Lion is one of my bridges to courage, shouting, “let’s cross this river together,” saying to me, “I am right beside you, brother. Let’s be brave together. Right beside you. Brave brother shoulder to brave brother shoulder. Let’s be brave together.” The Lion knows what it means to be scared and sad and stressed and blue. The Lion gets it. And, he says, “Courage, Joe, Courage.” And a minute later, The Lion says, “heck ya, Joe!” Actually, to be fully honest and up front, the Lion uses more colorful language than the word ‘heck’ – but I’m not brave enough yet to use those words here. I’m not as brave as The Lion. But with his helping hand, I’m getting there.
…
Left Hand: Open Letter To My Brothers & Sisters”—
A poem of friendship–
Open letter to my brothers and my sisters
Thank You for Calling out my non-sense
Some times with voice that can’t be heard
sometimes sweetly as the breeze
sometimes sternly as the trees
Never The light you failed To shine
Chiding me Alas
Stand taller taller still
Stand taller taller still
Taller As the trees
Stand taller taller still
Up more-er Up more-er
towards the sun,
so up so high Up taller, up taller
you called down unto me
Open letter to my siblings
I hope I get to meet more homies just like you
I just know heaven is full up
souls with just your shine
Souls who Are July August Kind of light
Open letter to (As Mister Tidwell, he would shout)
Ambassadors of ‘quan’ Exhorting, pulling
more love, more heart
more me and you
Open letter to my shepherds
shepherds of the light
I’ve sung with
For millenniums
before this very night
And, and, and after after bye bye from this place
Bye bye
from this rock
Open letter to my left hand
That’s what you are to me
Left hand, left hand
For me
When my own was broke & nil
Bringing bread upon my lips (you did, oh yes did you)
What’s more And true likewise
Lifted solace to my soul
Left hand left hand
When mine was broke and nil
Left hand left hand
When mine was hurt and humbled
Brother, Sister
When I was lost and crazed
Sibling when Orphaned Oh was I
Shepherd When starving Left to cry
Left hand left hand
When mine was broke and nil
Left hand
When mine was hurt and humbled
Left hand left hand
When Neither left nor right Had I
Left hand left hand
when Hand meant Heart and hope
Left hand left hand
That’s what you are to me
Left hand left hand
With palm of bread lifted to the sky
Left hand left hand
That’s what you are to me.
Left hand left hand
That’s what you are to me.
Joe,
Ben the Lion; I love it! Ben loved his family fiercely and was fiercely protective of us all, particularly me. His one worry joining the Navy was he wouldn’t be there for me, I’m a disabled veteran, I had to remind him my husband, his step-dad who he loved was here. He said he left me in “good hands”.
The story Andy told you about late night cereal circles was a new story to me. Occasionally one or two would ‘fess up to eating a box while watching a movie. You gave me a new memory of Ben, a precious gift.
Ben looked to belong, wherever he was, he needed that and with his personality quickly did; everywhere but the ship. He was taken advantage of by a group of users. His protective nature didn’t let him reach out to his family for help, he’d rather protect us. The day before he died we talked about the holidays and him coming home.
Thank you so much for taking the time to honor my son. I look forward to meeting you at a future Summit Project event and giving you a “Ben hug”, they were something special.
Penny Douphinett
Proud Mom of Ben Demers
Dear Ben’s family,
My name is Steve Lilley and I had the honor and privilege of carrying Ben’s stone and story this Memorial Day Weekend in Baxter. When learning about Ben, I was saddened to hear that he, like many other members of the service, was unable to find the help he needed to help ease him of the emotional suffering he was feeling. I hope that someday we find a way to reach our heroes sooner and help them find the skills to cope with their mental/ emotional battles.
With Ben’s stone safely stowed in my pack, I hit the trail with Team Red. We had a good day to honor our heroes. Our team was supposed to hike up the Owl, but due to trail closures we had to change plans last minute and hike up Doubletop. The day started a little drizzly and cloudy but we were blessed with clearing skies and beautiful views by the time we reached the summit. I was honored to be able to share Ben’s story with my 10 hiking mates. I pointed out to them how impressive it was that while in high school Ben was interested in classic literature and politics. It sound like he was mature for his age. When I was that age, I was interested in trying to get the ladies and in having a good time with my friends and teammates. I also shared Toni’s story of how when she was asked after hiking with Ben’s stone if he would have enjoyed the hike and her reply was “no, he’d rather be playing video games and I’d be right there with him.”
It sounds like Ben was a fun and witty guy to be around and that he loved all of you very much. When my wife’s brother was killed in action in Iraq, I witnessed firsthand how a tragic loss of a loved one can impact those that are left behind. The grief eases over time but never fully goes away. I know our family finds comfort in people continuing to honor Chris’s memory and sharing his story with others. I hope all of you find similar comfort in folks sharing Ben’s story. I was glad I could do my part to make sure your son/ brother will not be forgotten. Hopefully I will meet you all in person someday, but if not, have faith that we will keep Ben’s story alive.
Steve
Steve,
I’m sorry it has taken so long to reply. Thank you for carrying Ben’s stone and sharing his story. You are right, it helps knowing Ben is being remembered. I look forward to meeting you.
Penny
Ben’s Mom
My name is Zach Johnson, and I had the honor and privilege to carry Ben today with me on an absolutely beautiful Maine summer morning. After reading as much as I could about Ben’s story, I had the opportunity to connect with his brother Chris – which truly put the “leaves on the branches” of Ben’s life, highlighting his impact on others. It was the less known and seemingly “less important” tidbits about Ben, his family, his quirks, and a variety of funny stories that Chris shared that brought Ben to life for me – making my time with him today more impactful, meaningful, and everlasting. This included learning about Ben’s velvet shorts, his Hawaiian shirts, and his juxtaposed but balanced love for N64 and classic literature. Learning about the whoopie pie milkshakes he would make from the care packages his Mother would send him. And learning about how at age 24, Ben still asked for “Green Pizza” for his birthday dinner at home with his siblings. He was quite the character, and part of quite a special and unique family. And that is something that can connect with each and every one of us.
Something unique about Ben that really resonated with me was learning of his love for and fascination with penguins. To include his vast collection of penguin related clothing, gear, and memorabilia. Not knowing Ben’s story before this event, this unique fact developed a powerful personal connection for me – to him and to his family – as my family also unexpectedly lost a servicemember in 2017 – someone who had an equally deep love for Puffins. (I believe Sean’s love for and collection of Puffins was on PAR with Ben’s of Penguins). We carry Sean’s memory through similar quirky stories and funny personality traits. This personal connection made me think deeply about Ben’s story…and the tragic nature of his loss.
Ben is unique and special… and at the same time – his story can resonate in some particular way with all of us – directly or indirectly. I personally did not know Ben – but I feel like we all know Ben – in our own unique way.
Sharing his stone and story today was another opportunity for Ben to touch a life – my own, and the lives of the 23 others that participated. Through his choice to serve, I am sure Ben was seeking to find comradery, brotherhood, and shared purpose – like many of us also sought when we made a similar decision to serve. At some points during his service, I am sure he did find these things. But I understand that his time aboard the Nimitz was also often one of struggle – a struggle to find that sense of Team Belonging that was so important to him. That sense of Team and belonging SHOULD be part of the military experience, and SHOULD be a fundamental characteristic of service provided to all those who volunteer to serve our country– be that by air, on land, or at sea. Through his story (and our ability to continue to carry it forward), Ben is creating and sharing that belonging. We are one Team. Fighting one fight. And I am proud to have spent today fighting with Ben. Thank you for the opportunity.
Zach,
Thank you so much for carrying Ben’s stone and sharing his story with other hikers. You had the opportunity to talk with Chris, who had the most unique relationship with Ben. He told you wonderful things about Ben I never could have. Your write-up made me smile. Ben never had the Navy experience his father and I had. His shipmates were not a cohesive unit and Ben was the 3rd in a year to take his life. None of us will ever be the same. Thank you for helping him be remembered.
Penny
Ben’s Mom
This past weekend, I had the honor and privilege of carrying the stone and telling the story of U.S. Navy PO2 Benjamin A. Demers for TSP at ANP.
That will be the most formal part of this letter and of our journey up Cadillac Mountain as Team White!
Many of the Heroes we carried up the mountain were notably witty, funny, pranksters. Ben was exactly that. His sense of humor, wittiness, sarcasm, and love for penguins are some of his standout qualities. I also learned that these traits run in the family during the time I spent with his brother Hammy (when he wasn’t in a tree or posing on top of rocks). We chose to find joy and fun in the mission of carrying the story of our Heroes. There were many laughs, uncountable sarcastic remarks, and even some pranks along the route. It was how I think Ben would have gotten through the outdoor adventure since he would have wanted to be home playing video games instead, haha!
When our team circled at the top, our mission was clear. I truly believe that our Heroes choose us. I also believe that we don’t just learn ABOUT the Hero – but we learn FROM the Hero. This was so true with my connection to Ben. Reading that he had asked for help and it didn’t come deeply impacted me. As a social worker, I am a helper. I work with vulnerable populations who are often forgotten or overlooked. I feel strongly that my time with Ben was confirmation to keep going. A deep reminder that one person can make a difference.
Ben gave his all to the things he loved including his pets, family, and his penguin collection. This is part of what his story and life taught me. Love deeply, be who you are, and don’t take everything so seriously. For that – I am thankful.
U.S. Navy PO2 Benjamin A. Demers: son, brother, friend – You are not forgotten.
Thank you, Janet, for carrying Ben’s stone and sharing his story with others. Ben was an incredible person and deeply missed by all who knew and loved him. I became a social worker after my time in the Navy and that made Ben’s death even harder for me. He appreciated the need for the work you and I did. Ben wanted to be a lawyer though, they got paid a lot more.
Thank you again for helping to keep his memory alive.
Penny
Ben’s Mom
Dear Demers Family,
I recently had the honor of hiking to the summit of Mount Willard in memory of MMN2 Benjamin Albert Demers. It was a cold day, with snow covering the ground and clear skies. As I made my way up the trail, the crisp air and the beautiful landscape gave me time to reflect on Ben’s life, his service, and the deep impact he had on those who knew and loved him.
Though I never had the privilege of meeting Ben, learning about his story made this journey profoundly meaningful. His dedication to his family, his love for learning, and his passion for service paint a picture of someone truly remarkable. I was touched by the stories of his humor, his kindness, and the way he could bring warmth to those around him—something that felt even more significant on such a cold and quiet day in the mountains.
When I finally reached the summit, the breathtaking view felt like a fitting tribute to Ben. I imagined him taking in the sight, appreciating the stillness, and perhaps cracking a joke to lighten the moment. Standing there, I felt a deep sense of gratitude—not just for his service, but for the love and laughter he shared with those around him.
I hope this hike serves as a small tribute to his legacy, and I want you to know that his story continues to inspire. Please accept my deepest sympathy and gratitude. Ben will not be forgotten.
With heartfelt respect,
Matt Udal
http://www.OpenDoorsOutdoors.org